Simple joy

Today is a good day. Other than the fact that I may have either a brain tumor or cauliflower ear, I don't have a whole lot to complain about. The weather is nice, Fletcher is happy, I have won 6 games in a row in solitaire, and I had the perfect hot dog for lunch today. What could be better?

RED

So the other day I was out shopping for clothing that my kids could wear as costumes for their book character parade for school. This meant going into stores I don't regularly shop in for clothes. Lucky for me someone back in 1999 really had their thinking cap on because they designed a whole shopping center in Frisco exclusively for discount apparel stores. This was going to make finding costumes a piece of cake. In theory I should have been able to run from one store to the next except for one thing: Fletcher. He was in a really bad mood and was not going to make this easy. I think what started his tantrum was a toy he had spotted in the first store we went into. I believe we were in Ross and apparently they had something he really wanted. He kept saying, " Heroes. I want heroes" as tears of anger were rolling down his cheeks. I was able to quickly rummage through the racks and determine that there was nothing I could use, so I picked Fletcher up and moved on. Next up: TJ Maxx. At this point Fletcher is screaming and people are staring, but I don't care. I am on a mission and don't have a lot of time. This time though I put him in the cart and was able to strap him in long enough to find a couple of items that would work. Now it's off to the register to pay. I am sure the lady helping me is quite lovely, but let's just say she could probably benefit from a trip to Ben's office and a hot shower. Meanwhile Fletcher is still screaming, "Heroes! I want heroes!" I decide at this point to take a break and sit in the car for a second to calm him down. I call Shannon (as I usually do in times of distress) and her advice was to turn the music up really loud so I can't hear him screaming. So there I am sitting there with my son hysterically screaming in the back seat, music blasting, and me on the phone trying to have a conversation with Shannon. All of a sudden I look down at my left hand and notice blood from what I believe to be a cut or scrape if you will. It was about the size of a dime and the outside rim was dry while the rest was still wet. My first thought was that I must have cut myself on one of the racks in the stores. I really have no idea why I did what I did next. It just happened, but I licked my wound to wipe it off. And now for the most disturbing part of this whole story: I did not have a cut!! I searched my entire body- nothing. Then I pulled my hysterical son up front and searched his entire body- nothing!!! I have no idea whose blood I had on me or where it came from!!! I'm pretty sure it came from either Ross or TJ Maxx though. Needless to say I freaked out just a little bit. I'm just glad that the fact that I may have AIDS or Hep C now made Shannon laugh and laugh. I am still disgusted by this moment in my life and even writing this makes me sick to my stomach. You can bet I will never lick my blood again.

It's not what you say but how you say it.

The scene: I am upstairs on the computer. Cali, Fletcher and Macey are downstairs playing.

Macey: Mom!

Me: What?

Macey: (louder) Mom!!

Me: (louder) What?!

Macey: (even louder) Mom!!!

Me: (even louder) What?! I am upstairs!

Macey: (really loud) MOM!!!

Me: (in my most evil devil tone) WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!!!!!!!

Macey: Nikki's here to see you!

FYI: Nikki is my neighbor who had been standing in my house the entire time.

This really sucks!!

With it being Thanksgiving and all, I thought I would take a minute and give a shout out to something I am thankful for. A month or so ago I discovered something that has completely changed my life. It is somthing that has been right in front of my face all my life, yet I never really noticed . And now it is something I cannot live without. I am talking about my vacuum attachment. Why did nobody ever tell me how fabulous this is?! I can vacuum anything and everything with this spectacular piece of plastic. Places I naievely thought were unreachable have suddenly become reachable. I am obsessed. Here is a list of just a few places I have vacuumed recently: under every bed, under every dresser, behind, under and around my washer and drier, the corners of my garage floor, the bottom of toy baskets, under my kitchen sink, drapes, plants, around picture frames, and inside my kid's sports bags. The possibilities are endless and every day I find a new use for my new favorite thing. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I challenge anyone who has never used their attachment to try it today. I promise it will change your life as it did mine.

Does that make me crazy?

My 6 wierd things:

1. As I am driving down the road I pick an object, (usually trees, light posts, or freeway signs) and when I pass that object I have to blink. But it HAS to be at the exact moment I feel like the object is in line with my front tires. It gets really difficult when the object I choose is orange cones or the dashes of lines in the road. Then all that blinking makes it difficult to drive.

2. A door HAS to either be open all the way or completely shut. There is no in betweeen. This rule also applies to drawers.

3. I have a hard time eating Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms. As early as I can remember I have imagined that these two cereals are alive in my bowl and that every time I take a spoonfull I am ripping little families apart. Sometimes I can't even finish my bowl because I am too attached to the cereal. Fortunately it is just these two cereals.

4. I am really good at guessing a song that comes on the radio within 2 seconds.

5. I go to bed at the same time as my kids every night. And my kids go to bed at 7:00. I may not fall asleep for a little while but the lights are off, my pjs are on and I am under the covers. Anyone who knows me knows not to call my house past 8 pm otherwise I answer the phone scared to death.

6. I am TERRIFIED of dogs and have been known to throw even my own children in front of a dog that may be approaching me.

I feel like I need therapy now.

Tub time

One of the best qualities my parents instilled in me is a sense of humor. They have taught me to find the lighter side of any situation no matter how bad it may be. There is nothing funnier to me than seeing someone trip and hurt themselves. I guess that is my way of turning a negative into a possitive. So when I walked into my bathroom this morning to find that a mouse had crawled up my pipes and into my tub I had to chuckle. Of course I can't just get a normal mouse like everybody else. No. I have to get the freakishly strong mouse that can actually push up on the plug that weighs at least 2 pounds to let himself in. I didn't know what to do. Ben had just left for work and the thing was really freaking me out so I called him to come home. There was no way I was going to put my hand anywhere near it or it's beady litlle eyes that were glaring at me. Ben was nice enough to come home and help me. He lifted up the plug and immediately the mouse scurried back to wherever he came from. Then he turned on the hot water and poured bleach down the drain. After securing the plug again Ben was off to work. I really think this mouse was on some sort of steroid because not more than 5 minutes later it was back! And this time I think it was angry because I"m pretty sure it hissed at me as it jumped 4 feet in the air aiming at my face. I quickly called Ben and thankfully he was nice enough to come back and help again. He lifted the plug and once again the mouse ran back down the drain. This time we filled the tub with scolding hot water and just let it sit there. Now all I have to worry about is my 2 year old falling in and drowning. That should be easy. Anyway, I guess the point of this story is that I am so grateful that I am able to find the humor in situations such as these. I think life would be so much harder to go through without being able to laugh at myself (and clumsy people). As for the mouse, I still hope it dies a slow and painful death, but maybe it needed a laugh this morning as well. I can appreciate that. Farewell little mouse. Farewell.