...used to laugh and call him names...

There are so many wonderful things about this time of year. I love me some hot chocolate and a fire, shopping for other people brings me joy, I get to burn my favorite candle, Christmas lights, Christmas songs, and of course baked goods. However, there is one thing that only happens this time of year that is so disturbing to me that it warrants me writing a blog about it. Two words: Reindeer Cars. There seems to be an overwhelming growth of people who think it is cute to put antlers sticking out of their windows and a big shiny red nose stuck to the hood of their car. I don't understand this. I'm pretty sure these are the same people that put dresses on their dogs and put their 2 year old daughters in beauty pageants. And maybe it's just here in Texas. I don't know. It's just really frightening to be driving down the street and feel like you are pulling Santa's sleigh because the 5 other cars surrounding you all look like Rudolph and Donner and Prancer and Vixen. And when I walk by these cars in a parking lot I feel like ripping the red nose right off the front of the car (can I be arrested for that?), or at least bending one of the antlers so that it is droopy. That would at least make it funny. The worst part is that EVERY time my kids see one (which is 100 times a day) they feel the need to sing the song. It's driving me crazy!!! It used to be one of my favorite holiday songs and now I can't stand it. Anyway, I feel better having gotten this off my chest. Now I can go back to enjoying the hustle and bustle of the season. Merry Christmas!

Simple joy

Today is a good day. Other than the fact that I may have either a brain tumor or cauliflower ear, I don't have a whole lot to complain about. The weather is nice, Fletcher is happy, I have won 6 games in a row in solitaire, and I had the perfect hot dog for lunch today. What could be better?

RED

So the other day I was out shopping for clothing that my kids could wear as costumes for their book character parade for school. This meant going into stores I don't regularly shop in for clothes. Lucky for me someone back in 1999 really had their thinking cap on because they designed a whole shopping center in Frisco exclusively for discount apparel stores. This was going to make finding costumes a piece of cake. In theory I should have been able to run from one store to the next except for one thing: Fletcher. He was in a really bad mood and was not going to make this easy. I think what started his tantrum was a toy he had spotted in the first store we went into. I believe we were in Ross and apparently they had something he really wanted. He kept saying, " Heroes. I want heroes" as tears of anger were rolling down his cheeks. I was able to quickly rummage through the racks and determine that there was nothing I could use, so I picked Fletcher up and moved on. Next up: TJ Maxx. At this point Fletcher is screaming and people are staring, but I don't care. I am on a mission and don't have a lot of time. This time though I put him in the cart and was able to strap him in long enough to find a couple of items that would work. Now it's off to the register to pay. I am sure the lady helping me is quite lovely, but let's just say she could probably benefit from a trip to Ben's office and a hot shower. Meanwhile Fletcher is still screaming, "Heroes! I want heroes!" I decide at this point to take a break and sit in the car for a second to calm him down. I call Shannon (as I usually do in times of distress) and her advice was to turn the music up really loud so I can't hear him screaming. So there I am sitting there with my son hysterically screaming in the back seat, music blasting, and me on the phone trying to have a conversation with Shannon. All of a sudden I look down at my left hand and notice blood from what I believe to be a cut or scrape if you will. It was about the size of a dime and the outside rim was dry while the rest was still wet. My first thought was that I must have cut myself on one of the racks in the stores. I really have no idea why I did what I did next. It just happened, but I licked my wound to wipe it off. And now for the most disturbing part of this whole story: I did not have a cut!! I searched my entire body- nothing. Then I pulled my hysterical son up front and searched his entire body- nothing!!! I have no idea whose blood I had on me or where it came from!!! I'm pretty sure it came from either Ross or TJ Maxx though. Needless to say I freaked out just a little bit. I'm just glad that the fact that I may have AIDS or Hep C now made Shannon laugh and laugh. I am still disgusted by this moment in my life and even writing this makes me sick to my stomach. You can bet I will never lick my blood again.

It's not what you say but how you say it.

The scene: I am upstairs on the computer. Cali, Fletcher and Macey are downstairs playing.

Macey: Mom!

Me: What?

Macey: (louder) Mom!!

Me: (louder) What?!

Macey: (even louder) Mom!!!

Me: (even louder) What?! I am upstairs!

Macey: (really loud) MOM!!!

Me: (in my most evil devil tone) WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!!!!!!!

Macey: Nikki's here to see you!

FYI: Nikki is my neighbor who had been standing in my house the entire time.

This really sucks!!

With it being Thanksgiving and all, I thought I would take a minute and give a shout out to something I am thankful for. A month or so ago I discovered something that has completely changed my life. It is somthing that has been right in front of my face all my life, yet I never really noticed . And now it is something I cannot live without. I am talking about my vacuum attachment. Why did nobody ever tell me how fabulous this is?! I can vacuum anything and everything with this spectacular piece of plastic. Places I naievely thought were unreachable have suddenly become reachable. I am obsessed. Here is a list of just a few places I have vacuumed recently: under every bed, under every dresser, behind, under and around my washer and drier, the corners of my garage floor, the bottom of toy baskets, under my kitchen sink, drapes, plants, around picture frames, and inside my kid's sports bags. The possibilities are endless and every day I find a new use for my new favorite thing. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I challenge anyone who has never used their attachment to try it today. I promise it will change your life as it did mine.

Does that make me crazy?

My 6 wierd things:

1. As I am driving down the road I pick an object, (usually trees, light posts, or freeway signs) and when I pass that object I have to blink. But it HAS to be at the exact moment I feel like the object is in line with my front tires. It gets really difficult when the object I choose is orange cones or the dashes of lines in the road. Then all that blinking makes it difficult to drive.

2. A door HAS to either be open all the way or completely shut. There is no in betweeen. This rule also applies to drawers.

3. I have a hard time eating Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms. As early as I can remember I have imagined that these two cereals are alive in my bowl and that every time I take a spoonfull I am ripping little families apart. Sometimes I can't even finish my bowl because I am too attached to the cereal. Fortunately it is just these two cereals.

4. I am really good at guessing a song that comes on the radio within 2 seconds.

5. I go to bed at the same time as my kids every night. And my kids go to bed at 7:00. I may not fall asleep for a little while but the lights are off, my pjs are on and I am under the covers. Anyone who knows me knows not to call my house past 8 pm otherwise I answer the phone scared to death.

6. I am TERRIFIED of dogs and have been known to throw even my own children in front of a dog that may be approaching me.

I feel like I need therapy now.

Tub time

One of the best qualities my parents instilled in me is a sense of humor. They have taught me to find the lighter side of any situation no matter how bad it may be. There is nothing funnier to me than seeing someone trip and hurt themselves. I guess that is my way of turning a negative into a possitive. So when I walked into my bathroom this morning to find that a mouse had crawled up my pipes and into my tub I had to chuckle. Of course I can't just get a normal mouse like everybody else. No. I have to get the freakishly strong mouse that can actually push up on the plug that weighs at least 2 pounds to let himself in. I didn't know what to do. Ben had just left for work and the thing was really freaking me out so I called him to come home. There was no way I was going to put my hand anywhere near it or it's beady litlle eyes that were glaring at me. Ben was nice enough to come home and help me. He lifted up the plug and immediately the mouse scurried back to wherever he came from. Then he turned on the hot water and poured bleach down the drain. After securing the plug again Ben was off to work. I really think this mouse was on some sort of steroid because not more than 5 minutes later it was back! And this time I think it was angry because I"m pretty sure it hissed at me as it jumped 4 feet in the air aiming at my face. I quickly called Ben and thankfully he was nice enough to come back and help again. He lifted the plug and once again the mouse ran back down the drain. This time we filled the tub with scolding hot water and just let it sit there. Now all I have to worry about is my 2 year old falling in and drowning. That should be easy. Anyway, I guess the point of this story is that I am so grateful that I am able to find the humor in situations such as these. I think life would be so much harder to go through without being able to laugh at myself (and clumsy people). As for the mouse, I still hope it dies a slow and painful death, but maybe it needed a laugh this morning as well. I can appreciate that. Farewell little mouse. Farewell.

Why?

18 hours spent picking through hair
37 minutes spent vacuuming couch
90 minutes spent vacuuming beds
2 hours spent cleaning out car and car seat
$106.42 on RIDD shampoo
$28.00 on new brushes and combs
$12.00 on new pony tail holders
40 loads of laundary
16 sets of sheets changed on beds
6 days of not being able to wash hair so that medicine can work
2 times in a 7 day period my house has been scrubbed from top to bottom
1 humiliating phone call to mother in law advising her to check her own hair

Finding more lice 10 days later...priceless!

Ben wears big shoes

Yesterday Ben came with me to take the girls to cheer practice. He is usually at work during this time so it was a nice treat for him to be there and help me entertain Fletcher. After about 45 minutes Fletcher became bored with all the toys and books I brought for him to play with, and it didn't help that another little boy took his favorite airplane and would not give it back. Needless to say it got ugly and Ben was kind enough to step in. If I had been there by myself I would have just put the boy in the car and drove around until it was time to pick up the girls. But I have no patience and am not a very good mom so it was a good thing Ben was there. He took Fletcher outside to go for a walk. They were gone a short while and when they returned Ben was carrying a bag from the grocery store. I thought to myself "Good thinking Ben. Candy will quiet him down." Isn't that what a normal person would have bought their child to shut them up? Not my husband. He seriously pulled out a bag of long skinny balloons and a pump. I did not know you could even purchase these items at a grocery store, but apparently you can. What happened next amazed me. Ben actually started making balloon animals for Fletcher and his friend. And not crappy balloon animals- good balloon animals! He swears he has never done it before but I'm not so sure about that. He knew all too well exactly how much air to fill in the balloon so that he could get the perfect twist. You should have seen him. It was truly a spectacular spectacle. The best part was that Fletcher figured out that he could use the shards of glass growing out of the tip of his fingers (note to self: clip Fletcher's fingernails) to pop the balloons. He would say "I pop the doggy", and then jam his nail into the balloon. He laughed and laughed. Then Ben would whip up another balloon creature and POP! It was truly a proud moment for me. I don't think I was the only one impressed either. As the girls were let out of cheer one of their friends asked Cali in all seriousness, "Was your dad in a circus?" My husband the clown! Gotta love him.

The list continues...

#11. Macey got lice.
When oh when will it end?

Parenting 101

Some days parenting comes easier to me than others. Today I thought my impromptu soccer practice with Macey would be fun. Apparently throwing a ball at her and yelling "kick it harder!" and "be more aggressive!" until she cries may not have been the best use of our 45 minutes of "quality time" together. Let's just say it ended with her telling me "you know mom, you're not a real coach." I thought about this for a bit and eventually had a conversation with Ben about how I need to learn how to have more compassion and to be more sensitive to our kid's feelings. I vowed to work on this and was optimistic about my willingness to change. I have decided that I am just not a very nice person because not more than 2 minutes later I walked upstairs to find Cali on the computer typing something. Now maybe it was just coincidence, or maybe my new found compassion was being put to the test, but when asked what she was doing, this was her response, "I'm writing a song for my band." Are you kidding me?! I think I lack the thing in your brain that stops you from laughing at inappropriate moments because I don't think I could have laughed at a worse moment. I may have single handedly destroyed a little girl's dream of becoming a rock star. Needless to say I have a lot to work on and I am thankful that tomorrow always brings a new day. I have a lot of ice cream to buy tonight.
In case you were curious, here is a copy of Cali's song that will never get recorded. Enjoy!

A Girl's Life
In a girl's life there is nothing better than you
and there's a a lot of new things to do.
You can be yourself
and nobody will think it's you

Chorus
Sometimes it's hard but you'll be ok
just keep on going and you'll lead the way
ha ha haaaaaa
just keep on going and you'll lead the way
aaaaaaaaa

So sometimes you'll be sad or down in the dumps
don't turn yourself into a clown
and don't make a frown
and don't make it sound
like you're turning some one's life upside down

Chorus
Sometimes it's hard but you'll be ok
just keep on going and you'll lead the waaaaaaaaaaaaay
ha
(guitar solo)
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ya!

I'm really thirsty

So the Chicago marathon may not have ended up how I imagined it would, but it absolutely ended up how it was supposed to. I know that I was supposed to cross that line with Shannon and Jared. We experienced something that I don't think I can put in writing. I will never forget Kurt, or the lady at mile 24 yelling "Con grat u lay shons", or the man that gave me his popsicles, or the man that collapsed to the ground right in front of us, or drinking hydrant water out of a cup I found on the ground, or the man that hugged me as he put my medal around my neck. So maybe I didn't get my 4:20 time. There will be other marathons but there will never be another Chicago.

Feeling good about myself.

I think God hates me. Here's why: 1.) I had to scrub toilets today for the first time in 4 years. 2.) The weather in Chicago is about 20 degrees hotter than it should be. Are you kidding me?! 3.) Right now I am sporting a unibrow AND a mustache. 4.) I cannot find one single mango in the whole state of Texas. I think he is hiding them from me. 5.) I thought I was recording The Hills last night but when I went to watch it today (in between cleaning toilets) I was surprised to find that my kids had deleted my recording in order to record another episode of iCarly. 6.) I sweat like a man all the time. Not normal girly sweat, but crazy amounts of fluid pouring out of me at any given moment. 7.) I am the Stake Sports person for our stake. Yes, me. I have no idea what I am doing and I think people are starting to figure that out. 8.) Fletcher spilled a whole cup of apple juice on my side of the bed today. 9.) I live in Texas when everybody I care about lives somewhere else. And finally 10.) I cannot find one of my silver Haviannas. Again, I think he is hiding it from me. Maybe when I find a mango I will find my shoe.

Happy Halloween!!

I took the kids shopping for Halloween costumes. Cali wants to be a devil, Macey wants to be a slutty cheerleader, and Fletcher wants to be Dora- not Diego- Dora. This is normal, right?

It's a great day to buy some crap!

Today I had a garage sale. People will buy ANYTHING! And by people I mean Mexicans. Racist but true. I made $500 just by setting some crap in my yard and posting a sign that reads: Yard Sale Fri. and Sat.. I can't wait to get up and do it again tomorrow!

PS. If the lady that purchased my green and cream floral print dress is reading this, you may want to try it on before you wake up in a rush tomorrow morning to get ready for your friend's funeral (which by the way you were not too upset over). The dress is a size 8 and you my friend are not. But good luck with that.

Aahhh! The sweet smell of "powder fresh"!

So today I got to make a trip to Walmart (or as people in Texas call it The Walmart). It's been a slow month for us so I am trying to watch what I spend. Let's just say I've been using Ben's deoderant for the last 10 days (which by the way does nothing to stop my sweating like a man, but that's a whole other topic). I was really excited about my purchase but not so excited about the process. I have issues with Walmart. Not just with the people that work there, but with the people that shop there. This may come as a shock to some, but I can be somewhat judgemental at times. It's not that I think I am better than Walmart folks, but rather I don't feel as though I have a lot in common with them. I "speak English", and "take a shower every day", and live in a "house" not a "trailer". But there I was, three kids and all, making my way to the hygiene aisle giving everyone my best sympathetic smile as I went. I am especially nice to the greeter. As I pull my powder fresh scent Secret off the shelf I feel a warm hand on my back. It was a lady in her 40's, nicely dressed, trying to pass me. After all, we did have the cart with the double seat attachment on the front, because that's half the fun of going to Walmart- trying to maneuver that thing through the store. Anyway, as she passed she gave me a little pat and a smile- the same smile as I just got through giving Hamid the greeter! I realized in that moment that I was to her what everyone else there is to me. I'm sure she thought "poor single mother of three. She must of gotten pregnant in high school. And she is probably on WIC." I know what she is thinking because I think the same thoughts. I wanted to tell her that my husband is a dentist and we're just having a slow month, but I didn't. Instead I took some time to reflect. I really need to try a little harder to be a little less judgemental. I'm sure the lady wearing the gauchos with tennis shoes and a football jersey with 40 barrettes in her hair is just having a slow month too! God bless The Walmart!!!